


Remember the name

by killerweasel



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 21:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3304295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerweasel/pseuds/killerweasel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when you do the right thing?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember the name

Title: Remember the name  
Fandom: Angel  
Characters: Lindsey McDonald, Angel  
Word Count: 1,621  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings/Spoilers: AU after _Blind Date_  
Summary: What happens when you do the right thing?

**Remember the name**

I could feel my body shaking slightly by the time we’d dropped the children off in what was hopefully a safe haven. The weight of what I’d done over the past day had settled on top of my shoulders like an elephant, threatening to crush me. I should be dead; the guard should have put a bullet through the back of my head just like he’d done to Lee. The inside of one of my shoes still felt sticky from where the blood and brains had soaked into shoes that had cost more than a year’s salary at my first job.

The shaking grew until I couldn’t hide it any more. I damn near jumped out of my skin when Angel’s hand closed on my shoulder. “I’ve been saying your name for the last five minutes and you weren’t responding. Are you okay?”

A laugh escaped before I could stop it and the look on his face when he heard it was priceless. Angel probably thought that I’d finally cracked under the pressure. Maybe he was right. He pulled the car over to the side of the road and I rubbed at my temple with trembling fingers. “No, I’m not okay. Do you have any idea what I had to go through to help those kids? What I can’t understand is why he let me out of that room alive.”

The world wasn’t a nice place. That was something I’d learned a long time ago. Hell, I had figured it out when I was a kid. Anything you wanted, you had to do it by yourself because if you tried to depend on others, you’d just get fucked over. I’d worked my ass of to get where I was, made sacrifices no one else would even think of making, and for what? I dropped it all, everything I had accomplished, because some innocent kids were going to be killed.

My stomach churned. I shoved the passenger door open and fell out onto the edge of the pavement just in time to lose everything I’d eaten. After heaving my guts out until there was nothing left, I sat back and rested my head against the side of his car. I heard his footsteps, but didn’t open my eyes yet. “Tell me I did the right thing here, Angel. I’ve walked along the edge for so long it gets harder and harder to see the difference any more.”

His shoulder brushed against mine as he sat down. “Which right thing are we talking about, Lindsey? The part where you saved some kids from being murdered or the part where someone else mattered more than you did for a change?”

“Did you listen to what I said in your office?” I’d told him more about myself than I had mentioned to anyone in years. That was a part of me I kept buried down as far as I could to keep my fellow jackals from using it against me.

“Yeah, I did.” His voice was soft and I peeled my eyes open to look at him.

“So when you were acting like an asshole, it was to see if I’d just walk away instead of helping then, right?” I had a feeling the asshole bit wasn’t an act. “When Holland told me about those kids... all I could think of were my brothers and sister. If it had been adults, maybe I could have looked the other way and pretended it was just another day at the office. But these were _kids_ , Angel. I couldn’t let it happen.”

If he hadn’t helped me, I probably would have tried to save them by myself and wound up dead. At least I would have been doing the right thing. Maybe that would have meant something in the long run. “They hadn’t even had a chance to live yet or to find out what a shitty place the world is.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I... don’t have a fucking clue.” It didn’t matter how many documents I’d stolen, how many secrets I knew, or what would be delivered to newspapers in the event of my death, the moment I had crossed over to the other side, I had put myself into harm’s way. Even though they would make it look like some kind of an accident, it would be a message for anyone else that thought they could just walk away from Wolfram and Hart. “I wonder how far I could get before they caught up with me. Maybe it would be better if you killed me right here, at least then I know you’d make it quick.”

He was staring at me with a look I couldn’t place, as if seeing things for the first time. His eyes traveled down to the bloodstains on my shirt. “I’m not going to do that, Lindsey.”

“If I go back there, the odds are pretty fucking good that I’m going to die. If I run, I might have a chance to start over, provided I can find a way to disappear. How do you hide from three of the most powerful beings in the world, Angel? How do you vanish out of sight when they have their claws in everything, have roots that sink so far down you can’t find the ends, and have people willing to do anything for them? Every way I look at this, I’m a dead man.”

Angel didn’t say anything for so long that I figured he didn’t want to deal with it. I wasn’t his problem anyway. He’d done his hero bit for the night, saved the kids, and had proved to the Powers that he was a Champion. La de fucking da. I slowly got to my feet and started to walk down the road. When he called my name and told me to stop, I flipped him off.

I half expected to hear the engine of his car roar to life so he could chase after me. So when I was tackled from behind and knocked to the grass, it came as a bit of a surprise. It pissed me off. On top of everything I’d been through today, I wasn’t going to end up being saved by the high and mighty undead son of a bitch with a soul. No way in hell was I going to let that happen. He could kill me, he could put me out of my misery, but he wasn’t allowed to save me. I wasn’t a damsel in distress, or a bunch of helpless children. I was a guy who had knowingly worked for the wrong side because I wanted the money, power, and fame that came with it.

At first he wasn’t really trying to hurt me. The few punches that landed hurt, but not enough to make me stop hitting back. I’d fought most of my life growing up, learned how to play dirty, and I used just about every trick I knew to get him the hell away from me. The only trouble with that was he tended to recover a hell of a lot faster than a human would and I’d find myself back on the ground again.

I finally landed a punch to his jaw that rocked his head back and sent him sprawling. Blinking blood out of my eye, I stood up and glared at him. “Walk away, Champ. You can’t save me, you never could. I’m the only one who can do it and I don’t know if I have it in me.”

“I could help you.” He moved before I had a chance to blink, grabbing me by the ankles and sending me tumbling to the ground again. “I could if you let me.”

Angel ended up on top of me, pinning my body down. I struggled for a few minutes before I realized it was futile. “Why?” That’s the one thing I didn’t understand. Why even bother with someone like me?

He eased his grip before letting go completely. “Because if you were beyond helping, you would have let those kids die.”

I closed my eyes and bit down on a hundred comments. “Just let me go, Angel.”

“If you start running now, you’re going to be running for the rest of your life, Lindsey.” His body slid off of mine; giving me the chance to do just that if I wanted to.

Swallowing a few times, I stayed where I was. “Don’t you think I know that? What do you think would happen to my family if I was at one of their houses and the firm showed up to get me?” I shuddered at the thought. “I run, I cut ties with everyone I know because otherwise, they aren’t safe.” I’d never see any of them again. “My daddy would call me a chickenshit little bastard if he knew I was going to run. And he’d be right.”

“Lindsey...”

Shaking my head and wincing at the pain in my body, I got up. “You want to help me? Take me back to my apartment. I have some packing to do.”

He muttered something under his breath about ‘stubborn jackasses’, making me smile. “But that’s why you like me, right?” Laughing, I walked back to his car.

There had to be a way to disappear and I would find it. I’d be the first person to ever tell Wolfram and Hart to fuck off and get away with it. As I slid into the passenger side, I thought about what could go on my tombstone if I failed. _Here lies Lindsey McDonald. He did the right thing once in his life and died for it._ It had a nice ring to it.


End file.
